On Papelbon On Manny

Jonathan Papelbon takes himself very seriously.  That’s why he stares down batters with his mouth permanently stuck in the old “cock-sucker’s cramp” pose.  He takes himself so seriously that it doesn’t seem like even he had any idea of the shit coming out of his mouth when he spoke about Manny Ramirez to Esquire.

It’s one thing to express your own displeasure with a former teammate, it’s an entirely other thing to do so in the media and then throw a few of your current teammates under the bus along with yourself.  Look at this shit:

“He was on a different train!” Paplebon said of Ramirez. “And you saw what happened with that. We got rid of him, and we moved on without him. That comes from the manager, and it comes from guys like Jason Varitek and Tim Wakefield and David Ortiz. Nobody is ever going to be allowed to do that. Even a guy like me, just heading into my fourth year in the big leagues – if David Ortiz gets a little, you know – I’ll tell him what’s up! I’m not afraid to do that. I’m not afraid to put him in his place, because I think everybody needs that.”

Even a guy like Papelbon shouldn’t get away with that kind of behavior (taking piss breaks in the Green Monster, faking injuries, taking days off, rolling around on the field, etc.).  Agh, and what’s worse is that Papelbon is fucking closer, he pitches less than 70 innings every year and it’s the most overrated job in baseball.  Just shut the fuck up and try starting you arrogant egomaniac.

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Horribly Mis-Remembering Excerpts From A McNamee Interview

For no other reason than I’m very bored at work, I have doctored some quotes from Brian McNamee.  You can find out what he was actually talking about over at SportsImproper, but I assure you, this doctored transcript is much more fun.

SI:  Mr. McNamee, where did you and Roger first do it?

BM:  The place was his high-rise apartment, which is located off the corner of 90th Street and First Avenue in Manhattan. It was when Clemens was pitching for the Yankees.

SI:  Brian, what did you do, and how did you do it?

SI:  That day, he laid on the bed, dropped his trousers and I did as he asked, that is, inject him with hot beef. Afterwards, he told me to get rid of the jimmy-hat. I went into the kitchen and found an empty Miller Lite can in a wastebasket under the sink. Roger always liked to slam a few Miller Lites before we got hot and heavy.  I put the used jimmy into the can because it was actually hazardous material at that point and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt by sticking it to themselves. He told me to throw it away but I kept it instead.

That’s it folks, sometimes I amuse myself.

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Milton Bradley Is Just A Little Bit Angry

What would an off-season be without Milton Bradley causing a little bit of a stir?  Probably a peaceful one, but who cares?  Milton is apparently a little bit miffed at the treatment he received from the Texas Rangers in negotiations this winter.  Although he had the best season of his career last year, he was only healthy enough to appear in 126 games.  According to his comments in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Milton thinks that’s all fine and good:

“My agent was saying that Jon Daniels was telling him, ‘There are days when he doesn’t want to play because of his health.’  Well, you can get a healthy guy to go out there and play 162 games, but he won’t do what I did in 120.”

He has a point, but it’s easy to understand the Rangers’ decision to pass on the free agent considering his sketchy track record.  Bradley signed a three-year $30 million deal with the Chicago Cubs in January.  It could be a good fit for the temperamental outfielder, as the only person in baseball with a shorter fuse is Cubs’ manager Lou Pinella.  (Hat-Tip MLBTradeRumors)

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Bronson Arroyo’s Bikini Boat Parties

Bronson Arroyo can make you wonder sometimes.  Like, what the hell was he thinking back when he was rocking cornrows, or is that high leg-kick actually necessary?  Sometimes though, ole Bronson manages to do something so right that I just want to high-five him.  Take for example, his bikini boat parties.  He’s got over a dozen busty bikini babes, a boat, copious amounts of booze, and Pedro Martinez on board.  Nuff said.  (Hat-Tip Busted Coverage)

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Scott Olsen Likes His Smokes, Vlad Guerrero Is Older

The Washington Nationals newly acquired left-hander and notorious bar fighter Scott Olsen sure likes to smoke cigarettes (Hat-Tip Deadspin).  Olsen says he smokes about 12 butts a day, and maybe more if he’s drinking.  Turns out that Olsen has found a nice little private smoking space at the Nationals’ Spring Training facility, and he’ll use it at his own discretion:

His teammates, less than an hour from their 1 p.m. exhibition game on Tuesday, clustered in the clubhouse. But Olsen sat outside in an unattended golf cart, legs up on the glass windshield, puffing away and telling the story of old bad habits.

Hey, it’s probably a healthier vice than getting shit-canned, driving, fighting police, and getting “Tasered”.

Vlad Lets One Slip:

Check out this goodie from Yahoo’s Tim Brown, after being asked about his recovery from off-season knee surgery, Vlad replied:

“I feel good. I can’t say [like] 25, because, you know, I’m 34. But I feel a lot better. That’s where I’m at right now.”

The Angels’ media guide, among other baseball references, list Guerrero’s birth date as Feb. 9, 1976, which would make him 33.

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For Sale: Manny’s Boston Condo

It’s in great shape, most of the hair has been removed from all carpets and drains.  Several rum-and-coke stains from David Ortiz remain on the underside of couch cushions, but all furniture will be included in any sale.

Michael Doherty of City Life Real Estate tells the Boston Herald that it’s the “most magnificent apartment”.

Items that will not be included in the sale include Manny’s pimped-out ride and his beloved grill, you’ll have to hit eBay for that.

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MLB News and Notes: Tejada, Bonds and Pedro

It turns out that Miguel Tejada has no hard feelings towards the Baltimore Orioles after being traded last winter right before he was outed in the Mitchell Report.  I wonder if the feeling is mutual, afterall, he caused quite a bit of problems for Rafael Palmeiro with that “B12” supplement he gave him.  Oh Miggy, always so positive:

“I’m a free agent this year. You never know. I might come back.”

If you be honest about your age Miggy, and tell the truth to Congress, you might be welcome back.

Barry Bonds still wants to play baseball.  His agent Jeff Borris is planning on contacting 30 MLB teams to field his client’s interest in returning to the game.  Borris is still pushing that collusion angle judging from this quote from USA Today:

“Major League Baseball was successful in conspiring in keeping Barry out of uniform in 2008. Unless they have a change of heart, or see an error in their ways, I seriously doubt that clubs will give him the opportunity to play this year.”

Word from MLB TradeRumors is that the St. Louis Cardinals may explore the possibility of siging Pedro Martinez and using him in the closer role!  Pedro’s right shoulder has deterorated over the last few seasons, but he may have enough left in the tank to throw an inning every other day.

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Manny Re-Signs With Dodgers

Kenny Ken-Ken Rosenthal reports that Manny Ramirez and the Los Angeles Dodgers have agreed on a two-year, $45 million deal. The signing puts an end to circus-like negotiations that started and stopped with the Dodgers.  Manny got to miss the hard part of Spring Training where they make you run and stretch.

Related: Scott Boras increased his doucheyness with this deal.

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Chewbacca On The Mound

For no other reason than it’s funny:

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Jays Could Make Move For Orlando Cabrera

Jeff Blair of The Globe and Mail thinks the Toronto Blue Jays may break their off-season silence and make a move for shortstop Orlando Cabrera.

Blair writes:

“The Blue Jays interest in Cabrera extends back for a few seasons. They spoke to his agent, Dan Lozano, this winter without getting anywhere but times have changed. The season is getting closer and Cabrera, who made $32 million in a four-year contract that expired after last year, is looking for work, Cabrera likes Toronto, and the Blue Jays had some interest the last time he was a free-agent but unlike the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim were unwilling to add a fourth year on to the offer.”

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