Posts tagged with: Roger Clemens

Horribly Mis-Remembering Excerpts From A McNamee Interview

For no other reason than I’m very bored at work, I have doctored some quotes from Brian McNamee.  You can find out what he was actually talking about over at SportsImproper, but I assure you, this doctored transcript is much more fun.

SI:  Mr. McNamee, where did you and Roger first do it?

BM:  The place was his high-rise apartment, which is located off the corner of 90th Street and First Avenue in Manhattan. It was when Clemens was pitching for the Yankees.

SI:  Brian, what did you do, and how did you do it?

SI:  That day, he laid on the bed, dropped his trousers and I did as he asked, that is, inject him with hot beef. Afterwards, he told me to get rid of the jimmy-hat. I went into the kitchen and found an empty Miller Lite can in a wastebasket under the sink. Roger always liked to slam a few Miller Lites before we got hot and heavy.  I put the used jimmy into the can because it was actually hazardous material at that point and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt by sticking it to themselves. He told me to throw it away but I kept it instead.

That’s it folks, sometimes I amuse myself.

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Bonds’ Dirty Urine, Clemens’ Tainted DNA

Sometimes I just wish it would just go away, but seeing as most teams are still treading cautiously this off-season, I’m left with little choice but to report on players accused of juicing.  Who am I kidding, I love this shit.

According to a report from The New York Times, one of Barry Bonds‘ 2003 urine samples was retested by federal authorities and it was positive for “performance enhancing drugs”.  Apparently, the sample was originally tested by MLB and was not positive under their program, but this time around it tested positive.  I bet Barry’s defense team is going to have a field-day with this at his perjury trial.  Positive or not, I’m sure Barry was still taking the drugs “unknowingly”.

Just plead gamma poisoning!

From the twisted basement of Brian McNamee comes dirty needles tainted with the DNA of Roger Clemens that McNamee shot into Clemens’ ass.  According to a report that first surfaced in the Washington Post, tests have matched Clemens’ DNA to that of blood in a syringe that Brian McNamee claims to have used to inject “The Rocket” with steroids.  You can read all about on ESPN.

Clemens’ lawyer Rusty (Hard-On) Hardin was quick to dismiss the tests saying:

“It will still be evidence fabricated by McNamee, I would be dumbfounded if any responsible person ever found this to be reliable or credible evidence in any way.”

I don’t know Rusty, after reading this bit about Clemens having liniment rubbed on his nut-sack I placed a lot more faith in McNamee’s accounts of dealing with Roger’s backdoor.

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